Yesterday morning when I was walking Mikki in the woods, she found a dead deer and started eating it. I can’t believe I just wrote that, but it’s true. I screamed at her and begged her to walk away from it, but she just looked up at me with blood dripping out of her mouth, and what appeared to be a dog grin.

We drove home in silence. I refused to touch her for the rest of the day and called the vet to make an appointment to have her teeth brushed. They can’t take her until tomorrow.

Everyone in the house is no longer talking to her. My daughter refuses to sit on any furniture. Dinner was ridiculous. I had to serve everyone standing or sitting in high places.

“Did the dog sit here?”
“She has a name, you know.”
“I know. Did she sit here? I need to know.”
“No, she did not sit there.”
“Did she sniff over here.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Not good enough. I’ll sit on the kitchen counter.”

My son sat on the counter too. I would have sat up there with him but I was determined to take the dog’s side despite the fact that I will never kiss her on the lips again for the rest of her life.

“Can we give her to Aunt Robin?” my daughter asked.

“Remember when she was a puppy and she ate doody? We still loved her,” I protested.

“We should have given her to Aunt Robin then,” my daughter answered.

“What if she has rabies?”

“She had a shot for that.”
“What if there’s a tiny bit of deer meat still in her teeth.”
“Oh my God! I just saw a piece! I swear!”

That was me talking. I actually saw something red in her mouth. I don’t know what to do. She sleeps on our bed. She licks my face goodnight. But now it’s like I don’t even know her anymore. The doody was one thing, but a dead deer is just too much. I want to forgive and forget but I keep picturing her doing it. I just can’t get it out of my head. If only I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I could have convinced myself it wasn’t true and we could have gone back to the way we were. But it’s all over now. It’ll never be the same.