My daughter had a baby girl. Understandably, I prayed constantly before the baby was born. First, I prayed my daughter would have an easy delivery and a healthy baby. And then I prayed that I’d be there for every milestone and that the miracle of life would add another layer to our relationship as we transition from mother/daughter to grandmother/mother. I prayed that we’d finally let go of generations of adolescent mother-daughter issues and focus all of our energy on the entire family joining together to nurture and guide the next generation.. .

Okay fine. . .

I obviously prayed the baby would have a cute nose.

I also prayed she’d get my daughter’s lips, waist, hair, velvety skin, cute personality, and at the last second, I added brains. Next, I prayed the baby would get my son-in-law’s incredible blue eyes and then I threw in his kindness and ability to create things like robots out of thin air. I also requested that the baby be provided with double the amount of eyelashes necessary to protect her eyes from allergens, and for once, ears that don’t require generations of discussions about the moral implications of plastic surgery.

I wasn’t praying for this designer baby girl because I have a mother who once famously said,

“I don’t know if you know this about me but I don’t like ugly people.”

I prayed for her looks because I’m not blind.

I know some extraordinarily good looking people and I’ve seen other people literally hand them money for no reason. Who wouldn’t want that for any child?

Of course, like anything else, there’s a right way and a wrong way to pray. I think I covered this in a previous blog, but you don’t want to sound overly demanding, or like you’re begging, or having a full-blown temper tantrum. Try to sound friendly and humble, like a receptionist or a farmer. And make sure you apologize for something before you start asking for favors, and always throw in a compliment that shows you notice how hard God’s been working. Trust me, if you hit the right notes, miracles can happen.

For this particular prayer, I went with this:

Dear God,

OhmyGOD! Hi! How are you?

First, I’d like to thank you for everything you gave me, particularly my children, my husband, and my house in the Hamptons. I’m clapping just thinking about all of those things. Also, I’d like to apologize for all the lies I told to all of my teachers as well as my children’s teachers. None of us were ever sick.

As far as my feelings for you, I hope you know I love you and I think you deserve a huge trophy for how you designed the human body.I never would have thought of adding hair, and yet it makes all the difference. And I honestly don’t think it’s your fault that humans beings are shallow, impulsive and judgmental. I completely  understand why you went with the idea to just draw a straight line from the human eye directly to the part of the brain that judges people. You were probably so exhausted by that point. No one does what you did in seven days, and it’s always better to keep things simple when it’s getting down to the wire. Eye to brain. I would have totally done the same thing if I had been in your shoes.

The only thing is now we’re in this situation where people just walk around sizing each other up all day and making decisions about each other based on their looks. Sure, over time our opinions can change about a person, but remember the book, “Blink?”  We think with our eyes.

A person would have to be crazy not to pray for her granddaughter to get the pretty gene. I know there are more important things, like being good at math or building hospitals, but she’s gonna need to survive.

I’m not saying she won’t have a good life if she’s an ugly baby. I’m sure there are unattractive babies out there living very happy and fulfilling lives. Possibly even spreading joy. Somehow.

And of course I’ll accept it graciously if my granddaughter is not born with the exact shade of blue eyes I’m praying for. Her life, and I guess mine, will go on. I’m perfectly willing to accept the fact that she might get regular people genes and have to work on her actual character more than I was hoping she’d have to. If, in fact, her looks demand that she’s forced to tap into herself a little deeper to find her greatness, maybe she’ll go so deep and so far she’ll become some kind of wild visionary who can see the entire world all at once and know what it’s missing. Maybe she invents something that puts the carbon back into the ground or a molecule that eliminates all disease, or a new Ozempic that doesn’t make people throw up. Or she creates a new form of spiritual guidance, one that gives us a clearer understanding of you, and the universe.

 It’s even possible that she’ll become the first female world leader! Instead of focusing on her own appeal and what she can get from other people, she’ll devote her entire life to alleviating the pain of the human condition. Just imagine if she finds a way to open our minds so we can finally move beyond judging one another by our most superficial, external qualities. Imagine a human being who actually accomplishes true greatness and all because you accidentally gave her my original nose. That would be something.

So, God, if you’re listening, and I believe you are (my son is 6’3″ after all and I only prayed for 6′), the more I think about it I’d be just as happy with the sturdy, brave woman who fixes the world as I would be with the classic beauty I sketched out earlier in this prayer. Whatever you decide is obviously fine. I’m not gonna say anything.

But can you please just give the brave visionary girl the blue eyes with the double set of eyelashes?

Hugs,

Stephanie Lessing

And here we are, one year later.. . AMEN.