I’d just like to say that I bought a pair of pants for one penny today.  It was quite a significant markdown from $185.

 When the salesperson told me, “That will be one penny,” I said, “One penny what?”  And she said, “One penny, as in one cent.”

“One penny as in one cent. . . how?” I asked, turning the pants over to search for a price.

“The pants are one penny.  They’re on sale.” 

And I said, “Why do you keep saying one penny? And what exactly does ‘on sale’ mean?”

“That’s how much they are.  I’m not kidding.”

“Well obviously there must be some mistake.  Did someone pee in them or something?”

 Finally she explained.

“They were supposed to be returned to the vendor (VINCE) but they were left on the rack by accident. In order to account for them, they’re listed as one penny. It happens sometimes.  The woman right in front of you got a pair of shorts for a penny.”

Can you believe that? One penny!!  The zipper costs more than a penny.  Forget that, one tooth of the zipper costs more than a penny.  This is the single greatest achievement of my life!

ONE HOUR LATER
I’m walking around the house asking everyone to guess how much my pants cost.  So far no one has guessed a penny! 

A FEW HOURS LATER:

I don’t actually like the pants anymore.  I’m so used to getting ripped off, I feel as though I’ve done something wrong.  I don’t deserve my penny pants.

THE NEXT DAY:

I couldn’t sleep.   I think God knows about the pants.  I might return them.