August
16, 2006
I
went to Bed, Bath and Beyond today to buy Jesse a shower curtain. By the time I was ready to leave the store,
I had accumulated so much stuff I required a personal escort.
I
found the shower curtains almost immediately but then I got distracted by the
bath mats. They were much nicer than what I was expecting, so I got two for Jesse’s bathroom. They look like sisal except they’re soft and they have a black suede
trim. That’s why I needed two. It was the trim. While I was admiring them in my cart, I got to thinking how nice
black towels would look with Jesse’s terra cotta tiles, so I headed over to the
towel area and got everyone in the family new towels. White for Kim, cream for Dan and I, and black for Jesse. Then I remembered that Jesse also needs new
sheets so I got him a couple of sets, which reminded me that Kim needs a new
mattress pad. The mattress pads were
tufted, which is what you want to see in a mattress pad, so I got a few. It was
at that point that I realized Jesse needed a shower rod for his new shower
curtain. Just as I was tossing the rod
into the cart, there in the distance I spotted my friend Lynn. I called her name and she waved and so we hung out in the pillow aisle for a few minutes talking,
but the whole time she was telling me about the burglar who fell off her
neighbor’s roof when she pulled into the driveway, I was eyeing the camel suede throw
pillows right behind her head. I love
Lynn and I’m terrified of burglars, but you can never have enough camel suede
pillows.
I
don’t know if you know this, but the pillows are right next to the kitchen
aisle. I thought about picking up all new kitchen appliances in pink (for
charity) but then I thought better of it. I can’t ask my husband or my son to toast their bread in a pink toaster
no matter how badly I want that pink mixer. And there’s no sense in having the toaster without the mixer. Even if all the money actually does go to
breast cancer research, it’s still wrong and I’m not the type to just buy
things because they’re pink. Unless
they’re towels or something.
So
I got the pink spatula and a non-stick frying pan.
I couldn’t see over my cart at this point, so
I had to walk in front of it and pull it. People were smiling at me as if to say, “Oh my, didn’t we get carried
away!”
I don’t smile back at people as a rule. I
respond verbally.
“I know! How ridiculous is this!” I said to
all the shopping smilers. I said these words while rolling my eyes, as if to insinuate that I was pushing the cart for someone else. Some idiot I hardly knew. I could be a floor manager, just doing my job, helping out a customer, for all they knew.
By
the time I got on the checkout line, I was wheeling two carts. I noticed one of
the actual floor managers putting out doormats, which I need, so I got two, one for
the front door and one for the back. THe mats were stiff and unmanageable so I couldn’t stuff them into the sides of the carts without them flipping back over, so I had to carry one under each arm. A
few minutes later, Lynne walked by again carrying a small mop.
“What
the hell are you doing, Steph?” she asked, looking at my carts.
“Didn’t
I tell you? We just moved.”
“I
was at your house less than a week ago. I know you didn’t move.”
“Well,
we might,” I said.
The
nice gentleman who helped me to the car was kind enough to tell me that he
thought I made some really practical purchases. I thanked him and confided in him that a lot of people in the store were
laughing at me for having two carts.
He
assured me that it happens all the time and that it’s nothing to be ashamed
of.
That’s why I feel so much better about the fact that I
have to go back tomorrow. To get the
shower curtain.