They say you should count your blessings instead of praying for ridiculous things you don’t need, like a barn or a fancy diamond ring, but I don’t see how that helps you get stuff. Instead I like to make lists of everything I want in case God reads my blog.
Number One: I still don’t have a way to house and feed everyone on the planet. That was something I was sure I would have invented by now because in sixth grade I vowed to devote my entire life to redirecting all the money we spend on going to the moon to feeding people on earth. The truth is all I’ve done so far is complain about it. I’ve yet to so much as google “How to feed the entire world.” My guess is my invention is going to require many billions of dollars. So far I don’t even have one billion.
Number Two: I know this sounds far-fetched but deep down I believe I could be the one to solve global warming if some kind and patient scientist would just explain to me how earth works. I realize I need to get more in touch with nature. And I plan to. By going outside. I know nature is where all of life’s answers are hidden. That’s why I need an outdoor project, i.e., a certain miniature horse, whose name may or may not be Bubbles, that I know for a fact would look amazing wearing a flower crown on my front lawn. If, perchance, I did get Bubbles, I would spend more time outside, on the lawn, petting and dressing Bubbles, making her hats and getting in touch with nature, which is, as previously mentioned, where the answers to all of life’s questions are hidden. So, in short. I really need Bubbles if I’m going to save the planet.
Number Three: A pink cake mixer. It just seems like a cake mixer would make it much easier to make cakes.
Number Four: A neck lift. I think this one is self-explanatory.
Number Five: A sunnier disposition. I never smile unless something is so laugh out loud funny I fall to the floor convulsing and peeing.
Number Six: I would very much like lower cholesterol. I really feel the number I was given is terribly unfair, rude almost.
Number Seven: A flat stomach, even when seated. I’ve seen these types of stomachs and they are really remarkable.
Number Eight: A new car. Mine has a hole in it.
Number Nine: A brow lift. I know I just asked for a neck lift but my neck has migrated so far away from my brow it’s almost like I’m asking for two different people.
Number Ten: A barn. . . for Bubbles.